March 21, 2011

I am sorry that it has taken me until now to update everyone from my appointment that I had on Friday.
My friend Dani took me to my check-up that I had in the Woodlands, and while I was there, I talked to the other dr's office and they wanted me to come there as soon as I was done in the Woodlands, due to my fluid levels.
Everything went well at the appointment at the Woodlands, and then we trucked down to the Med Center. (while she had her two young kids with her, I felt so sorry for them.)
They dropped me off, and then they went to go to the zoo, or do something that would keep the kids occupied.
I went in and started with blood work, vitals, and then waited to see the dr.. He came in and after checking me out, he said that he wanted me to take 40mg of my diuretic on Friday and Saturday, and then go back to my regular dose on Sunday. Then he wanted me to call and give them my weight on Monday, and they would decide what to do from there.
He said if they could not get the fluid to stay off that they would have to put me on an IV drip, and if they did have to do this that they would be increasing my status.

Needless to say I had a lot of different emotions about this. Scared, worried, excited, anxious, etc..
Then this morning I call the office and tell them that my weight is still up by 3lbs.
The nurse tells me that they are going to increase my diuretic to the 40mg every day. Then I told them that I have mucas in my lungs..to which she said that she thinks that it is from allergies, except I do not have allergies. No sore throat, no runy nose, no cough...but I do have mucas. oh well..

So I have been very, very, frustrated. ever since I talked to them. The nurse is supposed to talk to the dr and call me back, (which will probably be tomorrow) because I told them that I wanted to go ahead and be moved up on the list even if that means I have to stay in the hospital.
I am so tired of all of this up and down with meds, and back and forth with decisions. I know that this is a season, but at this moment I am not able to say that it is ok. I feel like I am at my limit...I do not know how much more of all of this I can take..please pray that I have the strength to get out of my poor little me pit!!!!

This past Sunday our sermon was about changing lives, and how we should be different from what we were before we accepted Christ.
Tommy also talked about how we always say that we are different when we come to church and worship and listen to the sermon, and then on Monday when we get back to our normal life we tend to inch our way back to that old person that we used to be. Well today I feel more like the person before, because of my lack of strength to handle this. I know that I have only been on the list for almost 5 months, but I have been dealing with this disease since July of 2008, and I am just pure tired.
So as I type this I am trying to come back to the ME that I know I am through CHRIST, and trust him that his timing is better than mine.

I was texting my dear friend Wendy today when I was more upset, and this is what she told me.
"It is so much better in God's timing , sweet friend. I have learned that it is better to let it happen organically. I am praying that you have peace with your current situation and acceptance of this place that the Lord has you in. It is tough, but he chose you!! You have the strength, because He has gifted it to you!! Hang in there and fight the good fight!"

I am asking that you all pray this for me, as I need it. I know that God gave my sweet friend these words, because they definately helped me at that moment.. I love you Wendy!!! Praise GOD for you!! He has answered my prayer far beyond what I ever thought I could have through your friendship!!

Until I know more, thank you for the prayers!!!